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But my hunch is that building and maintaining deep friendships is a task almost all humans struggle with on some level. From their earliest weeks and months babies recognize the voice of their mother and mimic the facial expressions of the people around them. We are hard-wired for relationship. But relationship eludes us. Connection is never quite what we long for.
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But my hunch is that building and maintaining deep friendships is a task almost all humans struggle with on some level. From their earliest weeks and months babies recognize the voice of their mother and mimic the facial expressions of the people around them.
We are hard-wired for relationship. But relationship eludes us. Connection is never quite what we long for.
That it's not ok.
Our moments of deep connection firends brilliant but fleeting, moments instead of constants in our lives. As I reflected on their words and friendship more generally, I realized that friendship is difficult for all of us humans. But we also know that fire burns. The small pains of friendship and the larger wounds of rejection and abandonment keep us from moving toward one another.
The presence of chronic illness in a friendship can make our frustrations, pains, and wounds more noticeable. So today, I write for the friends of those with chronic illness, the talo, the patient souls who feel simultaneously disappointed by our fickleness and drawn fridnds us in love. The chronic illness community too often gives you a bad rap, focusing on your flaws instead of your love. Not today, my friends. Today, you are my teachers.
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On Acceptance: Bess shared that the hardest thing about being a friend to someone who is chronically ill has been accepting she is not going to understand what I go through completely. Friends want to understand each other.
But there is an element to chronic illness someone can never grasp unless they have been chronically ill. Even my husband will never fully understand what my experience is like. This fact can be incredibly isolating for both the sick individual and our friends.
However, when both parties in a relationship accept our different experiences for friennds they are, our differences can become places of respect and cherishing rather than only frustration and pain. Friends, as a chronically ill woman I release you from the unfair expectation that you must understand my experience of being sick.
Friends, we have to become more comfortable with discomfort in order to keep knowing one another in the presence of chronic illness. Michelle and I reminisced friendx when we were college roommates and I often needed help from her to cut my food, brush my hair, and drive across campus or town.
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By no means is it a chore. But, friends, hear that I know this is hard, humbling, and heartbreaking for you, too.
On Unpredictability: If you are reading this, you probably already know that being a friend with someone with a chronic illness means your friendship can be pretty unpredictable. Canceled plans and grouchy moods can leave my friends feeling like they are relating to a ticking time-bomb. Your friendship helps me keep being me. Your friendship enables me to see past the pain, to remember who Katie Jo is. I think txlk posture of yalk my disease has forced into my soul is a gift I bring my friends.
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Appreciating friens present moment helps us embrace our true selves. You motivate everyone around you to be more fully themselves. The burgeoning and illuminating sense of presence we who are chronically ill bring to our lives can be a bit overwhelming.
Our sickness makes us face things about ourselves we would rather not face. And we know it highlights similar facets of your lives as well. Ultimately, you are a gift to your friend who is chronically ill.
You are a gift not simply for the help you offer and the comfort you bring. You are gift because of who you are, because in you I see the meaning of love, of holiness, of truth lived out through the dark places of life.
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Your faithful friendship helps me know that God will faithfully raise me out of this body touched by sickness. You teach me to hope, to love, and to just be. T, please know that you are a treasure and gift in my life.